Love is our natural state, it is the heart, the centre of who we are, all positive emotions and states stem from love, it is bliss and ecstasy and of course when our lives are loveless we feel empty.

We never lose love but we can lose touch with it. Sometimes we think love caused us pain but in actual fact it’s not loving that has hurt us, it is the void that is there after it has gone, love lost or unrequited love.

Like all the other qualities we must find it WITHIN ourselves and then we are never without it.

Self love is something we need to find, it is acceptance within ourselves. This is in no way a Narcissi type of self importance and adoration but an acceptance of who we are and an honouring of our needs and an appreciation of our journey.

If we don’t value and love ourselves the world will mirror that back to us through other people and events. We attract to us whatever we believe inside ourselves – like attracts like. If you don’t like how other people treat you, look at how you value yourself….listen to your self talk, your inner critical voice that is quick to assassinate you !

There are many types of love. We have love for our children, partners, love for our friends, love for places, hobbies and things, they are all different hues of an energy that is fundamental to our natures.

Love is simple, it requires us to open our hearts and just allow it to happen….that process is simple but not always easy.

Love is within us, it’s what we are made of, it’s all around us.

Often we build walls around our hearts and sometimes our love can not flow out as it is stuck inside for fear of being rejected, judged or betrayed. Some love is waiting patiently to be received from others if only we would let our barriers down.

Before we can truly love ourselves or love others and love the life we have created, we need to face our fears as a grateful warrior and be prepared to challenge ourselves and fight for the rewards of our bravery…a life filled with love.

Intimate relationships are often complicated by dependency and need, we sometimes need a person to be a certain way for us to love them, this is not really true love, it is not unconditional love , it is a love of bargaining.

Of course, it’s normal for you to need certain things from that significant other and for them to have core beliefs that are in line with your own but a love based on ‘I will only love you if you behave in a certain way’ – a way that is unnatural for that other person, is doomed to be hard work.

It has taken me many years to realise the importance of sharing the same core beliefs as another person, we then stand a chance of having a lasting happy relationship. Individuals differences are good and create interest and variety but if you don’t have the same sort of values on things such as honesty, and respect then there can be too much conflict to sustain the relationship.

A few years ago I read guidance from the Osho Zen tarot card that have for many years been a great source of guidance for me…..

The card “The Lovers” said….

“Sex is the seed, Love is the flower and Compassion is the fragrance”

Sexual desire is often the chemistry that pulls us to someone but that alone is rarely enough to sustain a lasting fulfilling relationship. It may have the potential to mature into love (acceptance and appreciation of each other).

Compassion is the highest form of love, ‘com-passion’means ’with passion’….it’s unconditional, the passion/desire is to want the best for that other person, regardless of your own needs or wants….so the passion is not just the lively flames of primal desire and lust but the steady fire that has been fuelled by understanding, respect and honouring that person in your life – not easily put out by the winds of change.

We can have compassion for humanity and the world we live in, it’s the same dynamic, again it’s an acknowledgement of the privileged position we are in having a place on this planet within this wondrous experience called life.

Falling in love is a magical feeling. What’s happening is that the other person is facilitating you to open your heart and feel the emotion of love and you project that to the other person – they have stimulated and evoked that feeling in you.

Love reciprocated, a two way flow, can be so powerful as to be overwhelming and an immense force.

Sometimes with people and places and things it’s a love at first sight situation where a sense of knowing and understanding is almost instant. Other times it’s a voyage into scenery that gets richer and more beautiful as the journey continues.

Love is our birth rite, we need to allow it to flow to something or someone for us to be happy.

Babies who are not touched and caressed do not thrive in the same way that loved babies do. In fact in an experiment in Russia, some orphaned babies were not given any tactile stimulation, no stroking, not even when their nappies were changed, nor when they talked or sung to….the group with no contact died. Shocking experiment, shocking results.